Set My Heart Aflame
by Knappster
Summary: (Long) Epilogue to My Heart Went Boom. Read that first.


**A/N: I kind of wanted to write an epilogue of sorts to My Heart Went Boom so this happened. If you haven't read that you really need to read it first or this won't make a lot of sense so you should do that. I didn't post it with the other story for two reasons. 1) This is in Aubrey's POV and I didn't want to mix it with the other one and confuse people. 2) I didn't want to change the rating on My Heart Went Boom. I hope you like this!**

* * *

Mornings were my favorite time of the day, the time between when I woke up and when Stacie woke up. It's not that I didn't like being with her when she was awake, but I loved how relaxed she looked, and the way her legs were always tangled with mine and how her arms wrapped around me. I felt safe. I felt like nothing could happen to me. And for someone who knew pretty well her odds of survival, feeling safe was one of the most valuable commodities.

It wasn't easy for me to come to terms with my feelings for her. When they first started, I chalked it up just that, feeling safe. I thought I didn't really like her, the person, I liked that she was my doctor and she was going to help me. I couldn't deny how attractive she was but that didn't mean anything. She was hot and she was safe and that's all it was. We flirted but it was all innocent, I didn't think she was actually interested in me. She was just being nice because I was sick.

That was until she agreed to have dinner with me. Which I wouldn't have thought twice about but when I casually mentioned it to Jesse when he called to check up on me, I could practically hear his shit-eating grin on the other side of the line.

At that dinner I got to know her a little bit, I got to see a side of her that wasn't just the doctor who was going to save my life. And maybe learning that I had a chronic heart condition made me forget that I wasn't someone who told people that they liked them, and of course I didn't think she meant it when she said she'd take me out after my transplant because we didn't even know how long that would take. But I caught myself hoping that she did and realized that maybe my feelings weren't just about feeling safe.

I got better, I was responding to the medication and I was probably getting discharged the next day. I was happy about it, being in a hospital all day was extremely boring, especially after she asked me to stop working. Having all that time without nothing to do meant I had a lot of time to think, and she was the number one thought in my head all day. Her eyes, her smile, the way her hand felt in mine, how hot she looked in her lab coat and glasses… I even allowed myself to think about what would've happened if I'd met her under other circumstances, if she wasn't my doctor and I didn't need her; if we could date.

She said goodbye at the end of the day and I was good. I knew that as soon as I left the hospital I would just be another patient and we would both go on with our lives.

But then she came back and I could tell she had been thinking about me too. And we kissed. Maybe it wasn't perfect, my lips were chapped and I felt the IV tugging at my arm when I moved my hand to her jaw. We have certainly had better kisses since then. But that kiss changed everything, she wasn't just an idea anymore, it wasn't just lust or feeling safe, she made me feel wanted.

After that kiss, and even though I knew that was all that was going to happen between us, I also knew that my feelings wouldn't just go away. I left the hospital and I tried not to think about her, and some days I even succeeded. I tried not to wonder about what she was doing or who she was seeing, if she was having a good day or if she was tired or sad. I drove by the hospital a few times until one day I parked.

I didn't really have a plan. I sat in my car for a long time with my hand on the ignition, ready to drive away the moment I came to my senses, but I didn't. I got out of the car and walked into the ER. I didn't ask to be admitted, I was there and they were busy and when I asked to see her and they asked if I was her patient, they assumed I was there for medical reasons. So they took me to a bed and told me they'd call her.

I didn't know she'd freak out, I wasn't really thinking about anything other than seeing her, and then she was there and she was touching me and I felt like I could breathe again. That's when I knew that, even if I could make myself stop feeling the way I did, I didn't want to.

After that I stopped obsessing about her. I hadn't given up on her, on us. But she was my eventually, and in order to get to that eventually I had to focus on my health. I would still think about her, but I knew she was there and that she would be there until I got better.

Until she met him. I didn't know his name, I didn't want to know his name or what he looked like. I didn't want to know how they met or what they did or if he made her happy. I wanted her to wait for me like I was waiting for her. But I knew it wasn't fair to ask her to do that so I didn't say anything. I wanted her in my life, even if he was there too.

My eventually got a bit hazy, it turned into a maybe not. And as hard as I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about her smiling at him the way she smiled at me, and doing all the things she couldn't do with me because I was her patient and that's all I would ever be.

I don't really remember what happened the day I was rushed to the hospital. I was in a meeting and the next thing I remember was waking up in there with her holding my hand. I knew it was her even before I opened my eyes because I felt completely safe. She was there smiling and I knew nothing would happen if she stayed there. I realized then that I loved her.

She stayed with me after my second cardiac failure and she told me she broke up with him. She was my eventually again, and this time it felt like it was really going to happen. My eventually turned into soon.

We started talking every day. We'd talk about stupid things and big things, we talked about our favorite movies and ice cream flavors, about our fears and our hopes. We never talked about us, about how we felt about each other. I never told her I loved her or how much I missed her smile.

That's when I started writing. I wrote down every time she made me smile, or whenever I felt like telling her I loved her. I filled pages with lists of places I wanted to go with her and things I wanted us to do. Sometimes it was just a short note, other times I wrote multiple-page letters. I told the paper everything I couldn't tell her yet.

It was one of these letters that I gave to her before my transplant. I knew my odds, I knew there was a possibility that I wouldn't get out of that OR. I didn't want that to happen without her knowing how I felt. I almost told her right there because, even though she made me feel safe, I didn't want it to be left unsaid. But when she stopped me from saying it I knew I would be okay. I knew I was safe.

Stacie stirred beside me and her arms tightened around my waist pulling me closer. I waited for her to settle and rested my head on her chest, listening to the steady beating of her heart. It had become one of my favorite sounds. I closed my eyes and felt my own heart slowing down to match it, as if it knew that we were okay as long as we stayed in her arms.

My new heart had a bit of a temper, it felt different, like it knew it didn't really belong in my chest but was trying to make the best of a weird situation. The only times it seemed to feel at home was when Stacie was there.

The days after the surgery were the hardest. My throat hurt from being intubated, my chest hurt from being cracked open. I was weak and tired so I mostly slept. My parents and Jesse visited but I don't remember much from the days I spent in the ICU.

After I had recovered enough, they moved me out of the ICU. Stacie came to see me and I could tell she was nervous. And then I remembered her telling me that she would stop being my doctor once I got out of the ICU. I felt my new heart skip in my chest, and it was the first time it didn't feel like something foreign.

She sat on my bed and started talking about bringing my new doctor over to introduce us but I wasn't listening. I pulled her slowly towards me and she stopped talking, her mouth parting slightly in anticipation. I saw her eyes look down at my lips and I pulled her the rest of the way, pressing my lips to hers.

She felt better than I remembered. She kept the kiss slow and soft, I took the hand I had used to pull her forward and laced our fingers. She moved her other hand to my face and her fingers traced my cheek and my jaw. She ended the kiss sooner than I would've wanted, chuckling and giving me a quick peck when I pouted.

She slept in my room most nights. I tried talking her into going home the first few nights but she insisted. I stopped trying after a while because the truth was I liked her being there. My parents and Jesse got used to seeing her there as something other than my doctor and, although we still hadn't discussed the details of our relationship, I was happy to see them accepting her as my girlfriend.

The day I was released from the hospital Stacie drove me home. I didn't really know what to expect. We had only ever seen each other inside the hospital, it felt strange to take her to my apartment. I didn't know how to ask her to stay, but I didn't want to be left alone. I had gotten used to her always being in the same building for the past month. As soon as we got home, she took me to my room and got in bed with me. We stayed there the rest of the day and the next day. We talked, we watched TV. She made dinner, and combed her fingers through my hair until I fell asleep. I didn't want her to leave but I couldn't just keep her there forever.

I made her go back to work, and even though a huge part of me was still scared of being alone, I understood that we would have to get back to our lives. She'd come check on me every day after she got out of the hospital, no matter how late it was. She spent the night often and drove me to my follow-up appointments and physical therapy whenever she could. I could tell she still worried about me a lot and that she felt guilty whenever she stayed at the hospital longer than expected or when she had to do something for Chloe's wedding, but I tried to encourage her to live her life as normally as possible without constantly hovering over me.

She relaxed a lot once I got the okay from the doctor to go back to work. We still hadn't talk about what we expected from each other but I wasn't too worried about that. We were practically living together by then, she only ever went to her apartment when she needed something she'd left there.

Being with her was easy. Since there was a huge chunk of time in our relationship when all we could do was talk, we knew practically everything about each other. The few surprises there were turned out to be good surprises, like the fact that she made the best chocolate chip pancakes or that she didn't like wearing pants to bed.

The biggest surprise actually happened when I accidentally proposed to her at Chloe and Beca's wedding. I hadn't thought about doing it, then or any other time, I just knew I wanted to be with her for however long I had left. I didn't really expect her to take me seriously, let alone say yes but she did. So we went from never having talked about what we were to being engaged.

She moved in officially a few days after Chloe's wedding. I asked Jesse to help her with her things and we had a small engagement dinner with him and my parents. We had waited for Chloe and Beca to get back from their honeymoon and we were going to city hall today to get our marriage license. Her mom had flown in a couple of days back and my parents were going to be there too. We had a reservation for dinner afterwards at Stacie's favorite restaurant.

I smiled at the thought of being married to her by the end of the day. It all felt like it had happened really fast and really slow at the same time.

I heard Stacie sigh and I decided I was done waiting for her to wake up. I pushed the bottom of her tank top up and brushed my fingers softly over her hip towards her stomach and back. I felt her move her legs trying to get closer to me and her fingers on my waist twitched.

She turned her head, placing a kiss on the top of my head. "Morning."

"Morning."

She rolled over to her side and my hand moved to her back. I scooted up so my head ended up on the pillow next to hers. She smirked and moved forward kissing me softly. I pressed my body against hers and deepened the kiss, pulling her hips forward against my thigh. She moaned breaking the kiss. "Baby, I don't think we're supposed to have sex right before our wedding."

"We weren't supposed to sleep together the night before our wedding but we still did."

I tried to kiss her again but she hid her face on my neck. "Exactly, we're already breaking enough rules."

"Rules are stupid."

She chuckled. "Baby, you're a lawyer. Rules are your job."

I was trying to think of a counterargument when I felt her bite down on my neck softly and run her tongue over the bite. I knew she was going to do it again so I pulled her up. "I don't want hickeys on my wedding pictures."

"They can photoshop them." I pushed her onto her back before she could try to do it again and straddled her waist, sitting back on top of her.

She looked at me with a wolfish smile and ran her hands down my waist to my thighs. Her fingers moved under my shorts tentatively and she started tracing circles and moving higher. "I thought you didn't want to have sex."

She scoffed. "I always want to have sex with you." She moved her hands to my hips and sat up, keeping me flush against her. "I just think our wedding night sex might be better if we wait."

I leaned down and kissed her, my hand moved under her top and up her side, stopping just below her breast. I pulled her lower lip with my teeth. I swiped my thumb over her nipple and broke the kiss. "You're right." I stood up from her lap, ignoring how she was gaping at me in disbelief, and started walking to the bathroom. "I'm going to shower."

* * *

"Babe, have you seen the earrings you gave me for my birthday?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "You're not supposed to see me until I'm ready." I turned around and frowned at her state of undress. "And why are you still in your underwear?"

She walked towards me and put her hands on my hips. I was already in my heels so we were about the same height. "I was doing my hair and makeup first." She kissed my cheek. "You look beautiful."

I smiled and ran a hand over her abs. "Thank you."

She chuckled and kissed my other cheek. "You're blushing."

My fingers moved along the waistband of her underwear. "You're hot."

"We don't have time." She pouted.

I moved my hand to her waist and squeezed. "I think your earrings are in my jewelry box."

She moved to my dresser and I turned back to the mirror to finish my makeup. Once she had found her earrings, she moved behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder and smiling at my reflection. "I love you."

I covered her hands with mine and turned my head to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love your dress." She kissed my shoulder. I was wearing a halter top light blue dress with a wide skirt that stopped just above my knees. the high neckline covered my scar and the back left my shoulders and the top of my back exposed. She raised her gaze and looked at my eyes in the mirror. "How are you feeling?"

"Great." She still looked worried so I turned around and cupped her cheeks. "Hey, I'm okay. All my latest tests were fine and I feel good. Nothing bad is going to happen today."

She nodded and kissed me. "I know. I just worry."

The doorbell rang and she groaned. "Why did we invite people?"

I moved my hands to her shoulders. "Because Chloe, Jesse, and your mom would've killed us if we did this without them, Beca comes with Chloe, and I thought it would be rude to leave my parents out, especially since they offered to pay for dinner."

She lowered her voice. "I'd rather have you for dinner."

I whimpered as the doorbell rang again. I pushed her away and out of our bedroom. "Finish getting dressed, I'll get the door."

Chloe hugged me as soon as I opened the door. "I can't believe you're getting married today!"

"Me neither." I smiled and hugged her back. I was still getting used to Chloe's effusive nature. Everyone in Stacie's life had accepted me with open arms, quite literally in some cases.

Beca nodded and smiled and went straight to the couch to turn on the TV. They'd spent enough time here since Stacie moved in for them to act at home in our apartment.

Stacie's mom walked in after Beca and hugged me too, less enthusiastically than Chloe but still affectionate. When we stepped back I pointed down the hall. "Stacie's in the guest room getting ready."

Chloe nodded and went there but Stacie's mom stayed with me. "I'll help you, Stacie has enough with Chloe."

I nodded and led Stacie's mom to our room. I still felt a little nervous around Stacie's mom even though we had spent a fair amount of time together since I started seeing Stacie. Her relationship with Stacie was very different from my relationship with my mom. They talked at least once a week and Stacie told her everything.

She'd visited after Stacie moved in and I didn't really know how to act around her at first. I felt weird being overtly demonstrative of my affection towards Stacie, but it was really hard not to get carried away when Stacie wasn't doing the same thing. I would blush every time we shared a long kiss or whenever Stacie made a suggestive comment. But I soon realized that Stacie's mom was more amused by my reaction than anything.

She grabbed the curling iron I had on the vanity and I explained how I wanted my hair. She stood behind me and started curling my hair into tight ringlets and letting them fall over my shoulders while I did my makeup.

After a few minutes of silence she looked at me through the mirror and smiled. "I know you don't have the best relationship with your parents so I want you to know that you can always come to me for anything." I dropped the hand holding the eyeliner and gaped at her. "Feel free to call me whenever. Even if it's to complain about Stacie. I know how annoying she can be, I lived with her for eighteen years."

I chuckled and swallowed the knot in my throat. "I will. Thank you."

She smiled at me again before getting back to work on my hair. "Just so you know, I don't accept returns. She's your problem now."

I laughed, trying to keep as still as possible so I wouldn't ruin my makeup. "I'm good with that."

"At least you missed her alien obsessed phase. I wish I could get back the time I spent hearing about it. She even made me take her to Roswell one summer." I had to put my hand down again because I couldn't contain my laughter this time. Thankfully Stacie's mom was in between curls.

She continued to tell me about young Stacie's alien obsession until Chloe knocked on the door. "We're ready!"

"Be right out!" Stacie's mom finished the last curl and let it bounce free.

I stood up and smoothed my dress, taking one last look in the mirror before turning to face the older woman. "Ready?"

I nodded. I didn't understand why I was nervous, I had seen Stacie less than an hour ago. Nothing had really changed between that time and now.

Stacie's mom gave me a one armed hug and rubbed my arm when I hesitated in front of the door. "Remember, no returns."

I smiled feeling less nervous and turned to give her a hug. I could tell she was surprised at first, I had never initiated a hug, but I felt her return the hug after she got over the surprise. "Come on." She squeezed me tightly before letting me go. "Don't keep my daughter waiting."

I opened the door to find Stacie standing nervously on the other side and I felt my breath catch in my throat. She was wearing a cream colored sweetheart dress with thin straps. Chloe had tied her hair back in a high ponytail with her hair slightly curled.

I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her neck. "I've decided to marry you."

She pecked my lips quickly, smiling widely. "I'm already getting married today but I guess I can ditch that and marry you instead." She ran her hands up and down my back. "Ready to go?"

I nodded. "Let me just check if Jesse and my parents are on their way."

I turned to get my purse but she caught my wrist and pulled me back. She kissed me a few times, pulling back with a big smile. "'Kay, you can go now" I rolled my eyes but I felt my stomach flip.

After checking in with Jesse and my parents, we decided Stacie's mom would ride with us and Beca and Chloe would take their car. Chloe said we'd need a chaperone if we were expected to make it to city hall without taking any detours and we couldn't really deny it.

Stacie's mom climbed into the back seat of Stacie's car before I even had time to think if I should ride in the front or not. Stacie opened the door for me since I hadn't moved to open it myself and looked at me strangely. "Having second thoughts?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Never." I gave her lips a quick peck on my way inside the car.

As soon as we were on our way I turned to Stacie. "Baby, you never told me you believed in aliens."

Stacie glared at her mom on the rearview mirror. "Mom." She said through gritted teeth.

Stacie's mom laughed and raised her hands apologetically. "I'm sorry, honey. I just thought she should know before she signed anything."

Stacie glared at her again and her mom stuck her tongue out. "It's statistically improbable that we're the only intelligent species in the entire universe."

"Oh, totally." I said trying not to laugh. Stacie narrowed her eyes at me. "It's cute that the worst thing you did growing up was steal your washer's motor to try to build a rocket to send the aliens a message."

Stacie bit her lip and her mom hummed from the back seat. "I wouldn't say that was the worst thing."

"Mom." Stacie said warningly.

She continued as if she hadn't heard her. "The shed rat was way worse."

"Mom!" Stacie yelled.

"Do I want to know?" I looked between Stacie and her mom puzzled.

"No!" Stacie tightened her grip on the wheel and frowned.

Her mom rolled her eyes. "She found a dead rat once and took it to the shed to do an autopsy. She completely forgot about it when she finished and I found it a week later because of the smell." I scrunched up my nose disgusted. "I didn't know what had happened, there was blood and rat insides and…" She shuddered.

"I wanted to see if I could find out why it died!" Stacie said loudly and pouted.

"You could have cleaned after yourself. And you could have caught something." Her mom shook her head from the backseat.

"I was wearing gloves." Stacie grumbled like she probably had every time her mom brought up the incident.

I took her right hand and laced our fingers. "Hey, no frowning on our wedding day." She pursed her lips but she still wasn't smiling. "I love the little scientifically curious girl you were, baby." She finally smiled and I kissed the back of her hand. "Just promise to never bring home dead animals."

Her smile widened. "Promise."

* * *

I was trying to find my keys in my purse when I felt Stacie trying to lift me up with an arm on the back of my knees and one on my lower back. I tried to get away but I was already off the floor so I just held on to her shoulders. "What are you doing? You're gonna hurt yourself!"

"I'm supposed to carry you inside!" She hoisted me up higher and glared at the locked door. "I probably should've waited until you found your key but I didn't want to risk you walking in."

"Well put me down so I can unlock the door!" I placed my purse on my stomach and kept looking for the key.

Stacie lifted her leg up and leaned against the wall to put some of my weight on her knee. "Are you gonna let me pick you back up if I let you down?"

"No." I found the key and dangled it in front of her.

She moved to the door and crouched a little so I could reach the lock. "You're being ridiculous, you don't have to carry me in."

"Just open the door!"

I finally managed to get the key in the lock and turn it, pushing the door open with my foot. She walked inside and kicked the door closed, stopping for a second in front of the door. "We're in, you can put me down now."

She frowned and shook her head, walking to our bedroom and dropping me on the bed unceremoniously. Something dug into my back when I landed and I grimaced. Stacie got on the bed and kneeled next to me concerned. "Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, Bree! Where does it hurt? Shit, I'm so stupid."

"Stacie calm down." I dug a hairbrush from under myself and showed it to her. "This was on the bed. I'm okay."

Stacie looked down and shook her head. "I should've been more careful."

"Stacie." She didn't look up. "Baby, look at me."

Stacie looked up and I cupped her cheek, brushing my thumb over her cheekbone. I leaned forward and kissed her softly. "I know we've been through a lot and I know there's nothing I can say or do to make you stop worrying about me and my health, but I'm here and I'm okay and it's our wedding night so, can you please, just for today, not treat me like I'm gonna break?"

She looked at me for a moment and then nodded. She pushed me onto my back and hovered over me, looking at me with a serious look on her face. She brushed my hair away from my face and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you." I smiled back and pulled her down by the back of her head to kiss her. It started with just a peck, short but sweet, a repeat of our wedding kiss, then she tilted her head and pressed harder, she sucked my bottom lip into her mouth and ran her tongue over it, moving her tongue into my mouth as soon as she let it go.

I used both of my hands to pull her as close as I could. I started to feel like I didn't have enough oxygen but I didn't care, I needed to feel her lips on mine. She exhaled and I breathed her in. Her hands moved to my waist and I could feel their warmth through the fabric on my dress.

She pulled away breathing heavily and kissed her way up my jaw. "You need less clothes."

I nodded and sat up. She moved behind me and pulled the zipper of my dress down slowly, kissing down my spine as she went down. When she got to the end, she traced my spine back up with her nose and kissed across my shoulders. She moved my hair to the side and kissed my neck, lowering the front part of my dress and moving one hand to my breast and the other to my stomach.

I felt her smirk against my neck and I turned my head to try to see her. "What?"

She kissed my neck again before responding. "I just remembered I'm married to the hottest person on earth."

I leaned back and kissed her. It was a bit of an awkward angle but I liked feeling her chest pressing against my back and her hand squeezing my breast while the other one moved down and under the dress that was still bunched up at my hips.

She turned her hand but the dress was hindering her movement. "Babe, you have to stand up."

I got off the bed and let the dress fall to the floor at my feet. She stayed kneeling on the bed and I saw her gaze travel up my body. When I saw her looking at my face again I raised my eyebrows at her and took a step back. "Where are you going?"

I kicked off my shoes and held out my hand but she wasn't close enough to take it. "You have to stand up too to get out of that dress too."

She crawled to the edge of the bed and grabbed my hand to pull me closer. She placed kisses all over my abdomen, her hands wrapping around my legs. I tangled my hand in her hair and scratched her scalp softly.

She moved her kisses to my hip and nudged the waistband of my underwear with her nose before pulling it with her teeth. I giggled as she struggled with the garment and finally gave up and moved her hands up to push it down.

She sat back and looked up at me proudly. I bent forward to kiss her and she flipped me over, placing me slowly back on the bed. She kissed down my body, stopping at my lower abdomen and standing up next to the bed.

I watched as she slowly took her dress off. Sometime after she came into our room that morning, she had changed into a lacier pair of underwear and I bit my lip. "I'm the one who's married to the hottest person on earth."

She smiled and jumped back on the bed, landing next to me on her knees and kissing me. She straddled my hips and sat back, looking down at me with a mix of lust and love.

She moved her hands to my back and unhooked my bra, letting it fall next to the bed. She traced the scar she had made on my chest with her index finger and kissed the spot over my heart. The heart she gave me.

I pulled her back up to kiss her, framing her face with my hands, trying to transmit everything I was feeling with my body. We stopped talking and let our bodies speak, mouths against skin, fingers trying to reach farther, deeper.

After some time we lay spent on the bed side by side. She was sitting against the headboard, combing her fingers through my hair. I was on my stomach, hugging a pillow to my cheek with my eyes closed.

She scooted down and I exchanged the pillow for her shoulder, our hands laced together on her stomach and her arm keeping me close. I turned my head and placed a kiss on her collarbone. I let go of her hand and turned to pull the covers over us and then moved back, pressing my body as close I could to hers.

She kissed my forehead a few times but I could feel her drifting off. "Stacie?" She hummed lazily and nuzzled my temple. "We're married."

She chuckled and kissed me sloppily. "We are."

"I'm your wife, and you're my wife, and we are married."

She nodded and I knew she was almost asleep. "I know, baby, I was there when it happened."

I looked up at her. She didn't look any different. "Do you feel different?"

She opened one eye and looked down at me with an amused smile. "Can we talk about this in the morning?"

"Yes, sorry." I settled back on her shoulder. I spun the new ring on my finger and smiled. "I like being married to you."

"It's been less than a day, give it a bit."

I chuckled and kissed the place where her neck met her shoulder. I heard her breathing get steadier and her hand go limp on my hip where it had been tracing small circles. I scooted closer and closed my eyes. I was about to fall asleep when I felt her shift under me and press a kiss to the top of my head. "I like being married to you too."

I smiled. Maybe mornings weren't my favorite time of the day anymore.


End file.
